Day 5 in prison…it is finally the first snow of the season, trees have gone lifeless, a thick white blanket of snow has is protecting them from the chill outside. Mother Nature is playing the part to hide her children from the world outside similar to what my mother used to do when the mercury dipped during this time of the year. Sitting in my prison cell 700miles away from my mother, serving a sentence for a theft, I realize that suddenly the world has changed for me. For the world outside I am a thief, a prisoner and a woman incapable of living among a civilized society just because I wanted to take something that didn’t belong to me, something which could have brought a new meaning to my life and most importantly something that could have given me a new reason to live. Suddenly a chilled breeze from the small window blew and it passed right through me, it gave me a similar feeling when my mother used to hug me during my tough times. Trying to hold this breeze I hugged myself and tears started to roll down…I never felt so alone in my whole life. 10 days back the urge to have something overpowered my urge to be moral. I did something which I could have never thought of but its first glance did that magic on me. It was a child…a baby boy born an hour before to my best friend Bella. Bella and I have been friends for 7 years, we first met at high school. Smart and intelligent girl with no friends, no mother and no home of her own. I was the first and perhaps the only one to share my lunch with her. Slowly we became best friends and we used to share every secret among us. She meant the whole world to me until I met Edward. After high school as Edward and I started seeing each other more often my interactions with Bella got limited to weekends, she seemed happy but something was going inside her which I could feel every time I met her. Maybe the fact that her best friend has someone more important in her life was troubling her but I was sure that with time she would accept this fact and she would also meet someone destined for her. On one fine day I received call from San Jose State University, my request for admission was approved. I had mixed emotions at one side I was going to pursue my dream and on the other I had to move away from Edward. Finally I decided to move to my uncle’s home at Palo Alto to join SJSU. Both Edward and Bella had come to see me off. Days at SJSU pass like years, long boring lectures, workshops, seminars and a 30min drive back to Palo Alto left me exhausted. As the course progressed I became so busy that I had to talk to Edward on alternate days which finally got limited to weekends within 6months. Life was going fine until the day I received that ill-fated call. It was from St. Stephens’s hospital at Phoenix, Arizona. The nurse said… “Your friend Bella and her boyfriend met with an accident last night, unfortunately we could not save the guy. Since Bella is in the 8th month of her pregnancy the injuries have caused certain complications due to which we need to perform a cesarean immediately. Since Bella has no family she has recommended your name to sign family approval document”. I booked the next available flight and flew to Arizona. All my way I was thinking about Bella, the days we spent together and our friendship. My friend was expecting her first child, her boyfriend was dead and I didn’t had a slightest idea of what all was happening in her life, somewhere deep inside I was feeling guilty but I wanted to be with Bella as soon as possible. I reached the hospital, Bella was unconscious due to the sedatives given to her. I signed the approval papers and waited outside, suddenly I heard an old woman weeping aloud outside mortuary. I went running to her why was she crying, what went wrong? As I was about to reach near her two men brought a dead body out from mortuary on a stretcher. It was Edward’s mother weeping there and the body they brought was of Edward’s. I was froze in shock, the world around me had suddenly gone still, nothing was moving, I was able to see the old lady crying but her cries were not audible anymore to me. Suddenly everything went blank I could feel my whole body going down, I wanted to be with Edward but my body refused to go any further and I fainted. I woke up in a room with glucose drip on my right hand with Edward’s mother sitting on my side. By this time everything got connected, I had solved the puzzle only to find out that I had lost everything. With tears in her eyes she looked at me and asked how I was feeling, she had asked a question to which I myself had no answer. How was I feeling, sad because the guy I loved was dead, betrayed because my best friend was carrying Edward’s child and guy for which I thought to sacrifice my career had lied to me everytime and a loser because I had lost everything. Edward’s mom told me that Bella has been taken to operation theatre and doctors are expecting delivery anytime, they are trying their best to save both Bella and her child. Tears started rolling down and I was not able to hold my emotions I had lost everything. Those moments I had spent with Edward started flashing in front of my eyes and every time I could feel Bella laughing at me. I tied to hate Edward for betraying me but I couldn’t. I didn’t wanted to go back neither I wished to stay there. The old lady was comforting me, maybe the fact that her loss was more than mine was the reason I was able to control myself. After half an hour a nurse came into my room and informed Bella has given birth to a baby boy. We both rushed to the maternity ward, it was a small baby wrapped in white cloth, Bella was still unconscious but doctors said she was out of danger. The nurse handed over the baby in my hands, he had Edward’s eyes. Just by holding him I felt a positive energy inside me, I felt like Edward has come back to me, he looked into my eyes and smiled similar to what Edward used to do. I hugged him closely and kissed him. I felt I had not lost Edward he has come back to me again. The nurse told me they have to take the baby back to its mother, those words irked me. For them it was just Bella’s baby for me it was my reason to live again, it was Edward’s last gift to me I could not let him go back to Bella, she had already taken a lot from me but not anymore, so I decided something which changed my life forever. At the stroke of midnight I went into Bella’s room, took the baby in my arms and left. Yes I stole what belonged to me and that is not any excuse but my explanation, a thief’s explanation!
Wednesday 4 July 2012
Thief's Explanation
Day 5 in prison…it is finally the first snow of the season, trees have gone lifeless, a thick white blanket of snow has is protecting them from the chill outside. Mother Nature is playing the part to hide her children from the world outside similar to what my mother used to do when the mercury dipped during this time of the year. Sitting in my prison cell 700miles away from my mother, serving a sentence for a theft, I realize that suddenly the world has changed for me. For the world outside I am a thief, a prisoner and a woman incapable of living among a civilized society just because I wanted to take something that didn’t belong to me, something which could have brought a new meaning to my life and most importantly something that could have given me a new reason to live. Suddenly a chilled breeze from the small window blew and it passed right through me, it gave me a similar feeling when my mother used to hug me during my tough times. Trying to hold this breeze I hugged myself and tears started to roll down…I never felt so alone in my whole life. 10 days back the urge to have something overpowered my urge to be moral. I did something which I could have never thought of but its first glance did that magic on me. It was a child…a baby boy born an hour before to my best friend Bella. Bella and I have been friends for 7 years, we first met at high school. Smart and intelligent girl with no friends, no mother and no home of her own. I was the first and perhaps the only one to share my lunch with her. Slowly we became best friends and we used to share every secret among us. She meant the whole world to me until I met Edward. After high school as Edward and I started seeing each other more often my interactions with Bella got limited to weekends, she seemed happy but something was going inside her which I could feel every time I met her. Maybe the fact that her best friend has someone more important in her life was troubling her but I was sure that with time she would accept this fact and she would also meet someone destined for her. On one fine day I received call from San Jose State University, my request for admission was approved. I had mixed emotions at one side I was going to pursue my dream and on the other I had to move away from Edward. Finally I decided to move to my uncle’s home at Palo Alto to join SJSU. Both Edward and Bella had come to see me off. Days at SJSU pass like years, long boring lectures, workshops, seminars and a 30min drive back to Palo Alto left me exhausted. As the course progressed I became so busy that I had to talk to Edward on alternate days which finally got limited to weekends within 6months. Life was going fine until the day I received that ill-fated call. It was from St. Stephens’s hospital at Phoenix, Arizona. The nurse said… “Your friend Bella and her boyfriend met with an accident last night, unfortunately we could not save the guy. Since Bella is in the 8th month of her pregnancy the injuries have caused certain complications due to which we need to perform a cesarean immediately. Since Bella has no family she has recommended your name to sign family approval document”. I booked the next available flight and flew to Arizona. All my way I was thinking about Bella, the days we spent together and our friendship. My friend was expecting her first child, her boyfriend was dead and I didn’t had a slightest idea of what all was happening in her life, somewhere deep inside I was feeling guilty but I wanted to be with Bella as soon as possible. I reached the hospital, Bella was unconscious due to the sedatives given to her. I signed the approval papers and waited outside, suddenly I heard an old woman weeping aloud outside mortuary. I went running to her why was she crying, what went wrong? As I was about to reach near her two men brought a dead body out from mortuary on a stretcher. It was Edward’s mother weeping there and the body they brought was of Edward’s. I was froze in shock, the world around me had suddenly gone still, nothing was moving, I was able to see the old lady crying but her cries were not audible anymore to me. Suddenly everything went blank I could feel my whole body going down, I wanted to be with Edward but my body refused to go any further and I fainted. I woke up in a room with glucose drip on my right hand with Edward’s mother sitting on my side. By this time everything got connected, I had solved the puzzle only to find out that I had lost everything. With tears in her eyes she looked at me and asked how I was feeling, she had asked a question to which I myself had no answer. How was I feeling, sad because the guy I loved was dead, betrayed because my best friend was carrying Edward’s child and guy for which I thought to sacrifice my career had lied to me everytime and a loser because I had lost everything. Edward’s mom told me that Bella has been taken to operation theatre and doctors are expecting delivery anytime, they are trying their best to save both Bella and her child. Tears started rolling down and I was not able to hold my emotions I had lost everything. Those moments I had spent with Edward started flashing in front of my eyes and every time I could feel Bella laughing at me. I tied to hate Edward for betraying me but I couldn’t. I didn’t wanted to go back neither I wished to stay there. The old lady was comforting me, maybe the fact that her loss was more than mine was the reason I was able to control myself. After half an hour a nurse came into my room and informed Bella has given birth to a baby boy. We both rushed to the maternity ward, it was a small baby wrapped in white cloth, Bella was still unconscious but doctors said she was out of danger. The nurse handed over the baby in my hands, he had Edward’s eyes. Just by holding him I felt a positive energy inside me, I felt like Edward has come back to me, he looked into my eyes and smiled similar to what Edward used to do. I hugged him closely and kissed him. I felt I had not lost Edward he has come back to me again. The nurse told me they have to take the baby back to its mother, those words irked me. For them it was just Bella’s baby for me it was my reason to live again, it was Edward’s last gift to me I could not let him go back to Bella, she had already taken a lot from me but not anymore, so I decided something which changed my life forever. At the stroke of midnight I went into Bella’s room, took the baby in my arms and left. Yes I stole what belonged to me and that is not any excuse but my explanation, a thief’s explanation!
Sunday 23 August 2009
A twisted tale of time.
Couple of weeks back after a heavy workout in gym i was heading towards my bike when i saw something unusual about my bike, its seat bore a deep cut just similar to the holy cross. Aww it must be the work of one of those out-of-the-blue freakazoids who only eat protein supplements as their breakfast, but i don't blame them completely, a research in San Jose has proved that excess protein intake has some side effects and might affect working of your brain, this act was an acknowledgement for the same. Though the cut was not large big but still as i have always liked things to be perfect I decided to buy a new seat cover on the very next day.
Next day i went out in search of a shop from where i could get the job done, after around one hour i was finally able to spot a shop, it was a hot day as usual, the shop owner told me that i will have to wait for a while, i walked towards a nearby tree and waited there under its shadow. I must say than on a hot sunny day if one chooses to wait under the shadow of a freakishly large tree time seems to have paused and for a moment you think why people keep on moving like this? Why don’t they stop for a while and experience how is it like to wait under a tree. Soon a black car stopped near the shop, a girl in her early twenties stepped out form the driver’s seat and walked towards the shop. Dressed in white polka-red dotted frock along with red sandals and a red purse she was looking beautiful, the only thing missing was a magical wand in her hand and yes a banner in front of the shop saying “Ganesh automobiles presents Annual fancy dress competition” would have been like icing on the cake...lol. i mean its fine to look beautiful and dress well but does it make any sense that you have to be dressed like a fairy to visit a mechanic? Anyway as she walked across me she looked at me for one tenth of a second and walked straight to the mechanic and told him that her car has been troubling her since a week and then typical girlish talks followed “please bhiaya dekh lo, mai specially aapke pas ayi hun peechli bar b aapse hi theek karwai thi”...then as she accompanied the guy towards her car she again looked at me and this time the look was accompanied with a smile and it lasted a bit longer than the previous one. Woah woah woah! what was that?? Hey i am not talking about that second look with a smile, after all its not the first time that a girl passed me a smile and it’s also not like that everyday i get so many second looks and smiles that i’ve got used to it, no no its about something else. Actually this time i got a better view of her face and the first thing that got stuck in my mind was her eyes. Those big dark brown eyes had something familiar in them. I knew those eyes but how? Suddenly a face peeked out of the car’s window and shouted “beta come fast, gudia needs u she is crying”. I suddenly recognised that face, that face had grown little older and wrinkles had also appeared, the face had changed but not so much, i at once recognised her. Now everything was clear and i had solved the mystery behind those big dark brown eyes of hers. The woman sitting in the car was that girl’s mother and that girl was none other than a childhood friend of mine. I used to call her gudia.
It was some 15years back i remember, a new admission in my class smart, intelligent girl with an accent that can leave anyone spellbound. That day just when my school bus dropped me home and it moved little further it stopped, as i was the only student to get off the bus in that area so i looked back at the bus, the new girl in my class also stepped down from the bus. She along with her family had just moved to a house just couple of houses away from ours. Slowly as the time passed we became friends, we along with other friends used to play together, sometimes study together i still remember we were around 6-7 guys of same age all living nearby. That girl whom i called gudia had a Labrador in home, that Labrador was the first and perhaps the last dog till now with whom i had played. Her mom was an English teacher in a different school and i remember how sometimes she would arrange a surprise grammar test for everyone of us, there was no escaping from those tests and everyone knew once that test got over a post test analysis would follow, most of the times i would have topped the test and gudia had flunked. Then followed a strict scolding and for next two or three days none of us could have dared ask gudia to play with us. But slowly and slowly as time progressed how that group of 6-7 guys got apart, how we made other friends and how we choose a different path of ourselves none of us ever realised. Within a year i guess her family got shifted to some other place she shifted the school and within a month’s time i had forgotten her completly. I know it sounds strange but not to me because the only reason we 6-7 guys were together for sometime was that we belonged to same age group and perhaps each one of us had a different friend circle which we were more close to.
Out from the flashback standing under that freakish tree watching a 15year old friend is a feeling that words can’t describe. Watching her going towards the car she asked her mom handover gudia to me, she lifted a baby from her mom’s lap and said “aaja mumma pass aaja”..wow time simply flies away! The girl whom i used to call gudia today had a gudia of her own. I just started walking towards her but soon i stopped. “What was i doing?” a thought came “what will i say to her? Will she even remember me?” i actually wanted to go to her and ask a bunch of questions i had prepared just now
“do u remember me?” or
“how on earth can you get married and have a baby too just at an age of 21?” or maybe
“where do u live, what do u do for a living?” and yes
“what happened to that Labrador of yours?”
But then i thought none of my questions would actually make any sense, forget it dude what an embarrassment would it be if she simply refused to recognise you after all its been 15years and though i don’t eat any protein supplements for body growth but supplements of time have helped me grow and change on my own. The short story of two little kids who once became friends had ended 15yrs ago only its just that i realised it today that there was ever a short story. I could have just walked to aunty and asked about her wellbeing, i am sure she would definitely remember me but then i choose not to. My bike was done till now and i was all set to move from the place. With a kick i zoomed out from the place and there was no looking back. Then whole day i kept thinking about gudia, her mom, my group of friends whom i had completely forgotten, how busy i had been all the time with myself and world around me, so much busy that i had completely forgotten a small chapter of my life and i wonder how many other such chapters are there that came and left and i never realised. Its true that time simply flies away but with this passage of time some chapters get hidden in the darkest chamber of your memory and its only until u have such encounters that make u realise what you have missed and left behind in this journey called LIFE!!
Friday 6 June 2008
Campus placements
i still remember each n every moment of those days which fetched me my first campus placement. We were off to Amritsar campus with alacrity n lots of hopes. it was the time when placements had started officially n every single company was going to count. our first target was TCS it was 4th feb 2008, the first stage was an online test. i had prepared for it n this was the time to implement all my efforts. my slot came at 11:30pm n trust me due to a hectic schedule i was both physically n mentally tired to sit for an 2 hrs test. but d desire to get into TCS was enough to overcome all my stress n tiredness. i went into d hall with a fresh mind n gave my test. after finishing the test the moment i clicked the submit button the result was in front of me on my screen. it showed "congrats! u've qualified." i took a breath of relief as i knew the first hurdle was crossed by me.
d final hurdle was yet to be cleared. next day i was having a technical interview. dressed up in formals n after offering prayers to almighty i left my room for d interview. this was the first time i was going for an technical interview so nervousness was obvious. i got my call within 2 hrs n i was glad that at least today i wont have to stay up till midnight in campus as we did yesterday. i got into the room n wished the interviewers. they were two young guys n seemed very casual..it was a casual introduction between us n they started d interview. i answered most of d questions n tried my best to impress them though i felt the self-confidence n satisfaction which should have been present in my answers was lacking.
the interview was over. i was really confused n felt that the satisfaction which i should have attained after the interview was missing. i went back into the waiting room n saw many faces each depicting a story of its own. some were happy n some were sad n i was wondering among whom mine should fit.
after waiting for around 4 hrs the TCS officials came inside the room holding a copy of final results with them. with some good sayings n blah blah they started announcing the final results. with every name they spoke i could hear someone crying out in joy n at the same time an enhancement in my heart beat. the list was down to last ten candidates, i was really nervous by now..n then down to final 5 but my name was yet to be announced. the pinnacle was reached when only 1 candidate was left. now i knew that my chances were extremely less i was never so lucky before so was neither expecting to be this time. n finally the last name was also announced.
i was not able to hear dat name coz of a large scream by a girl. i knew it was her who was last on the list not me. i didn't knew how to react, how to console myself....something had went seriously wrong in my interview but i was not sure about it. with a heavy heart i left d campus n came back to my room. we were three guys n none of us had gone through the selection process of TCS.
We sat together n speak ed to each other that we have no time to mourn or give excuses. lets get up n start preparing for the next company which was scheduled on the very next day, the company which we might be destined for us, the company which is equally good as TCS, the company known as INFOSYS!
i knew my aptitude was good n i needed to work upon my interview. dat night i prepared myself for interview only. i gave myself every possible situation that i might face tomorrow n planned a solution to it. for me this was going to be a do or die situation coz rejection in this company would have certainly meant a serious injury on my morale. that night we slept at 2:00am n woke up at 5:00am. again dressed up in formals n this time offering some extra prayers we left the room for campus. in campus i met one of my class mate who also happens to be my childhood friend. he was also in same shoes as that of mine. we both said to each other that whatever happens we have to crack it today!
with this pledge we went into the seminar hall where a pre placement talk was scheduled by Infosys. after the ppt we went in for the written..this time written went even better than TCS but still i was nervous till d results were announced. finally results were announced n i was through. then we had an HR interview. i had just appeared in TCS interview yesterday n got rejected too so my state of nervousness was on its peak. i called up my dad n told him that i got through the written he wished me luck for the interview, i told him that i was really nervous n low in confidence after yesterday's interview. a silence followed. he too knew that what i was going to face n how much nervous i should be right now. after some silence he said....life is not all about ur placements n interviews..its much bigger than that. these things r a really small part of life so any fear of failure should not even bother you in any way..
his words gave me a new view of all these things. my mental level had raised to a new height which i had never experienced before. all my nervousness and fears were gone. i was a completely new person sure about my success today.
my call for the interview came n i faced the interviewer in an extremely confident way. i answered his each n every question and i could easily feel not only satisfaction in my answers but also the satisfaction which interviewer got after listening to me. he was a damn gud person n his persona was so magnetic that he made me to feel more like a friend. at the end of my interview i could easily feel the satisfaction on his face..now i knew what had really went wrong in my TCS interview. the most memorable part was yet to come..the interviewer shook hands with me and offered me a candy. i knew what this candy meant. i thanked him from my heart n left.
i called up my dad n told him everything that happened, i could feel the happiness that was there in his voice but still results were to be announced.
the moment finally came, our placement officer Dr.Rajneesh announced the results. my name was among the selected.
i stood up, a breath of relief n a tear of happiness simultaneously toddled at my face. it was official i was an INFOSCIAN.
i don't know whether it was my efforts, my destiny or anything else that fetched me this offer but i know 1 thing..there was always someone with me who helped me, gave me strength to move on and carried me in my tuff times. that someone is my God, my almighty....my SAI BABA
Killing the dead
ever since this infamous incident came into existence it has ignited d the little detective that resides inside everyone of us. everyone of us is keen to solve this murder mystery on his own but no one has ever bothered about the other side of d coin, be it Noida police, our media or we d people. we have forgotten that this incident is not only about d slain girl but also about the role and reaction of the world that revolves around this 14yr old.
The press conference by police was termed as the character assassination of a 14yr old, so media blamed police for this n so did the people. but according to me d real culprits in the character assassination of the girl is our Indian media who boasts of being the best detective & n best image of our general public. Media not only sensationalised this whole incident but gave it a worst turn by leaking out some parts of the sms n private e-mails of the victim thus not only violating the right to privacy of aaraushi but also of her friends for whom life has been far from normal after this case.
so today if u people ask me d real definition of Indian media my answer will be: Indian media is a sensation hungry moron, dancing metaphorically on the grave of a dead 14yr old girl.
this is d real image that media has actually developed for itself in past few years. they do everything they want and justify their acts in the name of spirit of free press. this is d time when we really need to realise that media is making a compromise in the right to privacy of an individual(s) in the name of spirit of free press. this is d time when high profile media personnel need to ponder over the situation n reconsider their whole routine because if this attitude persists then sooner or later they will find the govt. authorities to step in and curb the freedom of media.
lastly i want to write about a 45yr old domestic help who deserves an equal justice as Aarushi does. Hemraj who lost his life the same night has been completely overshadowed by Aarushi talwar's murder. wasn't his life of equal worth or just because he was not among the Indian elite class his life does not deserve so much attention? these are some questions that seriously need an answer from both general public and Indian media.
i hope that such cases do not occur in future and in case they do they don't get sensationalised like this one. we don't know that who killed Aarushi n Hemraj but all we know is that this case has seriously brought the ugly side of educated masses in front of all.